Failing Economy? Conflict in the Middle East? Influenza A(H1N1)? No, more Erin Andrews Please!

Erin Andrews, All-American Hottie

Erin Andrews, All-American Hottie

For my non-gringo friends and readers who are wondering, “Who the heck is Erin Andrews?”  Let me do my best Carl Sagan and explain how this flaxen-haired media supernova came to be.

Billions and billions of nanoseconds ago, in the outer reaches of civilization (Gainesville, Florida), a young Dazzler dreamed of a life beyond the beer-soaked frat houses and rhythm nation.  She came of age during the golden age of Sportscenter, watching ESPN’s murderer’s row of Ley, Patrick, Olbermann, and Kilborn and thinking “Yeah, I could do that.”  And so she did, graduating from the University of Florida with a degree in telecommunications before embarking on the long and winding road to stardom.

Working her way from the backwaters to the bigtime, her buxom good looks got her in the door, but her knowledgable approach to sports made her the darling of every beer-drinking armchair quarterback in the ESPNiverse.

While Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba, and Megan Fox may dominate the mythical and mental lists of beauty at the moment, among red-blooded American males aged 18 to 49, Erin Andrews is their microphone wielding Joan of Hawt, the girl that guys dream of watching March Madness with on the sofa, sharing a beer, naked.  Talking college football recruiting in the post-coital afterglow.  When the news finally broke, Google searches for Ms. Andrews’ nekkid video skyrocketed.  But, alas, would-be perverts thinking they hit the mother lode found, upon downloading an illicit copy of this hidden video found a gift that keeps on giving, in the form of a computer virus.  The irony is thick, like a drum-and-bass version of a certain Alanis Morrissette song, don’t cha think?


I may be omnipotent, but it still a bit chilly here.

I may be omnipotent, but it still a bit chilly here.

From grainy naked blonde (Andrews) to brainy naked blue (Dr. Manhattan) here’s a tenuously related link to Watchmen, which is coming out on Blu-Ray soon.   Zack Snyder may not be Steven Spielberg yet, but its clear he loves his job and pours his heart into the filmmaking process, and tried to walk the fine line between catering to fanboys and appealing to the non-comic reading masses.

Speaking of comics, you don’t have to be a fan to enjoy this live vivisection of the work of comic book artist Rob Liefeld.   These guys painstakingly demolish the guy, who may be laughing all the way to the bank with the jillions he made appealing to the hype feedback loop supported by unknowing early 90’s teenagers.  What are these assholes doing now?  Probably blogging about how cool Watchmen is…when they aren’t trying the clean the digital chlamydia off their Vaio acquired during the hunt for Erin Andrews videos.


2 Responses to “Failing Economy? Conflict in the Middle East? Influenza A(H1N1)? No, more Erin Andrews Please!”

  1. July 28, 2009 at 5:22 am

    I invested by going to see Watnchemn at an IMAX screen, and they censor the big shiny blue penis. Why you gotta take a girls pleasure away? huh???
    I wanted to see a gigantic shiny blue penis

  2. 2 t-bone
    July 30, 2009 at 12:07 am

    As an original member of the Erin Andrews Fan Club, I love the summary of #3 in my top 5… but the link to the Dazzler’s web page was the highlight. That deserves a blog post of it’s own. Comparing the eyes of Lauren B to the lips of Laurn K. And Brittany… Oh Brittany. That body… those muscles… how much fun would that be to wrestle & play with a girl with that body… it would be like hooking up with dude. Uh… what? Please delete this post.

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