Reply to Sender

Please read this first, it will only take 90 seconds and you won’t regret it:


Then see my follow-up. I don’t usually like to leave comments, but I read this and it opened up a whole line of thought that I used to think about quite a bit, but just took a prodding from a Greatest Living American Writer contender (now wouldn’t that make a fun reality show competition? Fox: add boobs?) to inspire me to add to my Blackberry Carpal Tunnel Syndrome Relief Fund. I could have gone on, but then it would be a superlong comment. And no one likes that.

(Except me, though. I actually love them. I read them all, and the more new thoughts and interaction I can get out of them, the more alive I feel. I even read the spam ones, like the one about “Exciting New Oppurtunities in Sub-Prime Mortgage Funds!!!! And a longer, thicker cock to boot!!!” So don’t hold back. I mean it. I’m a sucker for repartee.)

I am posting this for two reasons: 1. I am not sure if it will show up on her blog (I picture some beatnik NewYorker.com web admin takes one look at my IP address, assumes I am trying to promote cheap airfare to Phuket, and presses delete so they can continue illegally downloading the new Girl Talk album). 2. So you know where to find Susan’s blog on your own next time (follow her on Twitter at @susanorlean). Anyone who is an aspiring writer or derives real pleasure from artful, string-bead arrangements of 52 different letters (UPPER & lower) should check her out. Fo sho.


Dammit, I meant to write this first. Though not as brilliantly or milk-out-the-nostrils funny. (My audience thinks Jersey Shore is a documentary. (Kidding, audience.))

For business letters, I see the standard practice is Best Regards. But what is that really? To have or show the utmost respect or concern for someone? That would be nice if it were true, though I would be disingenuous to use it for a virtual stranger on an email.

Can we use Bestest Regards? What if they abbreviate it to Regards? Or even BR? Should I believe you are sending me your “best regards” if you can’t even bother to spell out the herculean number of letters in both words? (Though it seems HBD seems to suffice for telling someone Happy Birthday in this day and age. (Did the use of that phrase reveal my syntactic fogeyness?))

I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought. Too many paragraph symbols without an According to Hoyle emoticon, I guess.

Peace Out Yo,


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