Help Me Tony Robbins, You’re My Only Hope

I always have very vivid dreams, but most of the time they slip from my memory like fogged breath on a mirror as soon as I wake up. But last night’s was so strange, it stayed with me until now, almost 18 hours later.

I don’t recall the entire dream, just the end. Out of nowhere, I saw Tony Robbins. Now it wasn’t like the time I saw Shu Qi in real life, where I just didn’t know what to say. I just went right up to him and shook his hand and started asking him for free life coaching advice.

Now I’m sure this happens to the real Tony Robbins all the time, and I assume he’s probably not disinclined to dropping gratis crumbs of wisdom for the unwashed, undermotivated masses. At any rate, my Inception Tony Robbins was a very gracious and nice guy, who shook my hand and listened intently with a smile when I told him I could use some help putting my life in order.

He said “Of course, buddy. The first thing you need to do is get off that unicorn.”

And lo and behold, I was thoughtlessly sitting astride an actual unicorn. Sheepishly, I dismounted more embarrassed by my rudeness than in any way fazed by the fact that a unicorn existed. I was tingling in anticipation for the answers that would lead me to success and riches.

Suddenly, the grating, mocking melody of my BlackBerry alarm
clock yanked me out of my dream. I quickly pressed Dismiss and tried to return to sleep. But the tidal wave of consciousness had crushed my delicate sand castle dream, thereby killing Inception Tony Robbins.

And what makes this even more lamentable was that today is a holiday (Constitution Day. Woot!) so I was in no real rush to wake up.

What else was Dream Tony Robbins going to tell me? I probably would have forgotten it all anyway. But I did catch a faint echo as I was being wrenched into reality.

“All the answers you need are in my book. Order it todayyyyyy!”


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